Imagine a number of leaders in a weekly status meeting. The team is engaged in conversations regarding weekend activity with their families and recent outings. At the moment, everything about the conversation is enlightening, cordial and upbeat. The meeting starts and a few key challenges are hammered out and actions are recorded. Jerry, a senior leader, decided to dig up an unresolved issue from a previous meeting that didn’t receive adequate attention. The topic was sensitive in nature and could’ve been handled in a private setting. Nevertheless, without hesitation, the roadside bomb was dropped in front of the entire team. Jerry challenged Tyler, the VP of Sales, regarding his lack of professionalism while attending a client meeting. Tyler felt as though he was disrespected. He internalized Jerry’s brazen comments and decided to emotionally shut down for the rest of the meeting. However, after a sidebar with other leaders that were in the meeting, Jerry decided to ask Tyler to forgive him for his behavior. Tyler reluctantly accepted Jerry’s apology.
Tyler may be carrying a little grudge or he may have complied on the outside, but really harbors deep resentment on the inside. Chips or Boulders?
4 tips for shedding the chips and shaking the boulders off your shoulders:
1. Carrying grudges can become very heavy. If you shake the grudge off you can run farther and climb higher.
2. Don’t allow your pride to fuel a grudge. Pride does not discriminate. It does not matter if you are young, old, rich, poor, sharp or dull, pride will break us down if we let it.
3. Be a leader and set the example for how to swipe the chips off your shoulders by forgiving your teammates when they make a mistake.
4. Hold your team accountable by challenging your leaders when grudges are apparent and relationships are fractured. Your direct reports are affected if you maintain a grudge with a peer. When grudges are held collaboration is strangled and the entire organization suffers.
What do you do when a team member puts your business out on “Front” street?
If your team member asks you for forgiveness, do you comply or do you hold a perpetual grudge? Do you carry around those boulders on your shoulders for years? Do you create a situation where your teammate can never climb back into your good graces?
“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings, but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.”
― Norman Vincent Peale
